tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77291993531784055882024-02-20T10:03:51.082-08:00Nuchem RocksWoah! Is this stuff really happening?
We think it is. We thank Rabbi Nuchem Rosenberg for helping us clean up our shuls, mikvaos, and yeshivos.Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-27018541164243839182012-04-04T21:00:00.001-07:002012-04-04T21:00:25.884-07:00Dealing with the TraumaIf you or your child has been abused, there are millions of things going through your head. Go to the police, or not? Does my child need therapy? Who's a good therapist? Can I ever trust another person with my child, even a therapist? I haven't been through the experience, but I'm observant enough to realize this.<br />
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I'm only going to mention something important to keep in mind. A child (or even an adult) who was abused is likely in trauma, and in order to heal, he/she needs to have someone validate his experience. If you are the parent, I cannot imagine the stresses you are under, but I implore you not to ignore your child's emotional experience. On the contrary; now is the time when your child needs your listening ear the most.<br />
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It's very hard to be a good listener to your child when you were traumatized yourself! Your need to minimize the pain is understandable: you're hurting as much as your child is, and you are desperate for some relief. You have the additional pain of knowing that you did not protect your child adequately, and you may be beating yourself up for that. While dealing with all that, you're supposed to calmly listen to your child's feelings about it?<br />
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Try. Your child's healing depends on you, the parent. Whether or not you can help your child feel understood, you should seek out an experienced therapist, who knows how to deal with these problems with a level-headed approach.<br />
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If you were abused yourself, you need to get someone who can let you express your pain without trying to minimize it. I know how hard it is to find such friends; a therapist may be necessary. Your friends may love you, but precisely because of that, they are unable to see that they are hurting you by denying your pain.<br />
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I hope you find healing, and soon. Trust that it will take time, and trust that it will eventually happen. You will be stronger, and be a comfort to others who go through the same horror.Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-12156489504015109002011-06-06T16:44:00.000-07:002011-06-06T16:44:26.959-07:00Workshop on Protecting Children from AbuseRabbi Horowitz will be giving a workshop (not his first) about educating your children about abuse in a Torah way. <br />
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<a href="http://www.rabbihorowitz.com/PYes/ArticleDetails.cfm?Book_ID=1485&ThisGroup_ID=238&Type=Article&SID=2">Here is a link to his article about this workshop.</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.vosizneias.com/84945/2011/06/05/new-york-project-yes-launches-keep-our-children-safe-initiative%E2%80%8F">Here is Vosizneias talking about it.</a><br />
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You'll see me there!Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-50107298721193176382011-05-20T12:13:00.000-07:002011-05-20T12:13:23.785-07:00Agudath Israel's Self-serving Distortions of Halacha<a href="http://daattorah.blogspot.com/2011/05/distorted-self-serving-view-of-halacha.html">Rabbi Daniel Eidensohn</a> has addressed some serious problems with the recent Agudah Halacha Conference.<br />
"I listened in dismay to R' Shlomo Gottesman's presentation of halachic issues of child abuse. He picked a very narrow perspective in answering the question of whether halacha allows going to the police to report abuse....<br />
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"Unfortunately he squandered an important opportunity. What he should have done was to ask a different question. Not under what conditions is calling the police mesira - but the real question is what does the Orthodox community need to do to protect the children? He failed to note that there are clearly times when a rabbi does not need to be consulted and that furthermore there are clearly times when a rabbi who says not to report should be ignored. He failed to address the more important issue of whether going to the police without community involvement and with pressure on parents not to file a complaint is really protecting the children. He failed to address the fear of reporting because of shidduchim and the danger that a child will be kicked out of school if he/she is found to have been abused. He failed to note that the Aguda has insisted that the financial well being of its institutions are more important than the welfare of the children. That cover ups to protect reputations of rabbis come before the sanity and safety of our children.<br />
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"But perhaps his biggest failure was to address the betrayal of the abuse victims by the rabbis and community and the severe psychological & religious damage this betrayal causes. It is commonly observed by those who work with off the derech children that most of these children have been abused."<br />
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Read the rest of the article on the <a href="http://daattorah.blogspot.com/2011/05/distorted-self-serving-view-of-halacha.html">"Da'at Torah" Blog.</a>Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-78118755934341908722011-05-14T22:21:00.000-07:002011-05-14T22:22:36.414-07:00Gay Marriage: A Senator Responds<span style="font-size: large;">Please write letters of support to this senator, and<a href="http://nuchemrocks.blogspot.com/2011/05/call-your-senator-same-gender-marriage_08.html"> ask your senator to oppose the legislation legalizing same-gender marriage.</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Following is a letter from Senator Martin J. Golden, written in response to an emotional letter from a frum Brooklyn man decrying the upcoming vote on legalizing same-gender marriage in New York.</span><br />
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May 9th, 2011<br />
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Dear Mr. Yoily Weiss,<br />
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Thank you for contacting me with regard to defending traditional marriage. I appreciate you taking time to share your views with me.<br />
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It has always been my belief and position that the institution of marriage is between a man and a woman. I will continue to defend that. I also believe this is not necessarily an issue to be legislated.<br />
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This has become an increasingly divisive issue and in my opinion, we have bigger challenges facing our state that we need to focus on instead, such as jobs, the economy, property taxes, and many others.<br />
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Thank you again for sharing your support of traditional marriages with me. I will keep your views, as well as those of many of my other constituents, in mind during this legislative session.<br />
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Sincerely,<br />
Martin J. Golden<br />
22nd District<br />
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</div>Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-44696503044889047522011-05-13T11:27:00.000-07:002011-05-13T11:27:37.073-07:00Weberman's Latest Court AppearanceWeberman had to face a group of supporters of his victims when he walked into the courtroom this Wednesday. Perhaps he will get the message that the victims will not be intimidated, because they are strong and because they have the support of many people in the community, some of whom are not afraid to show their faces in support of the victims. Emanuel Yegutkin also had his appearance that day. <br />
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This court appearance was covered by a number of blogs, including <a href="http://frumfollies.wordpress.com/2011/05/11/yesterdays-court-sessions-for-weberman-and-yegutkin/">Frum Follies</a> (who provides a number of links to info about the molesters) and <a href="http://calany.wordpress.com/2011/05/11/moving-forward-on-the-weberman-and-yegutkin-cases-today-may-11-2011/">CALANY</a> (who provides an in-depth analysis of the court proceedings).Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-61128041062613989432011-05-08T17:02:00.000-07:002011-05-08T17:02:51.882-07:00Call Your Senator: Same-Gender Marriage BillIn the next couple of weeks, the New York State Senate will vote on a bill legalizing gay marriage. I don't need to point out what's wrong with that, since my target audience is frum people. But I would like to ask everyone: Do you want your kids seeing people <a href="http://drsorotzkin.com/same_gender_attraction.html">acting on their illness (click to read a frum psychologist's perspective on this)</a>? Right now, we can see lots of love going on in the streets, but we can rationalize that away. Big deal, so our kids will know about male-female relationships. But do you want your kids seeing gay couples honeymooning on 13th avenue?<br />
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<a href="https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B3zu9hDuGtR9ODk5ZDhlNzMtMGQ0OS00NzY1LWEwMTQtMjJiYjY3MjM0YzAw&hl=en">Here is what a New York senator wrote to President Obama</a>, after he supported the legalization of gay marriage.<br />
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Contact your senator. It's easy! Go to<a href="http://draft.blogger.com/%20http://www.nysenate.gov/"> http://www.nysenate.gov/</a> and right there on the homepage, you can enter your address to find out who your senator is. Then, you can contact him by email right from that web page. His phone number will be there, too.<br />
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We voted these people into office, because we needed the money that the Democrats were offering our schools. Well, listen up, people: our schools can close up shop with the education our kids will be getting once gay marriage is legal.<br />
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What is disgusting is how, as usual, our Rabbonim are not saying a word on the subject. Where is the outrage? Don't our Rabbonim care? Or is money the only thing that matters to us these days?<br />
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I shouldn't talk, learning in a state-funded yeshiva. But can I afford to be silent? Can any of us?<br />
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As Rabbi Nuchem Rosenberg said this Friday on his hotline: They might not listen to you, but you have to know that you protested. Rabbi Rosenberg says it's between you and Hashem; I say, it's between you and your own humanity.Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-23191987970032781372011-05-05T11:31:00.000-07:002011-05-06T14:44:06.700-07:00Meir Dascalowitz Friday Hearing (May 6) UPDATED AFTER HEARING - 5:20 P.M.UPDATE 5:20 P.M.: <br />
Today's "Molester of the Day" hearing was covered by a number of websites, perhaps most notably <a href="http://failedmessiah.typepad.com/failed_messiahcom/2011/05/accused-haredi-pedophile-meir-dascalowitz-may-be-declared-unfit-to-stand-trial-678.html">Failed Messiah</a>. According to people who attended, Meir Dascalowitz's hearing was the first one on the calendar (presumably due to the large number of attendees for that particular hearing - there were numerous supporters there) and it was over in two minutes.<br />
Court-appointed psychiatrists want to declare the defendant "unfit to stand trial." <a href="http://calany.wordpress.com/2011/05/06/rapist-meir-dascelowitz-declared-unfit-to-proceed-in-today%E2%80%99s-hearing/">For an explanation, see CALANY's blog (Coalition Against Legal Abuse).</a> Here is an excerpt from their article:<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">By law, as soon as a report is submitted claiming the defendant unfit to proceed, they must immediately be remanded into a state mental facility, pretty much like a jail. Then, with lots of medication and psychiatric intervention, the person then gets declared later ‘fit to proceed’ and the case continues back in criminal court. In the event that the person does not get cleared, then they remain in that facility until the sentencing. It is highly unusual for a criminal to remain in such a facility for very long, and the longest we heard of was 8 years for one particular case.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Sounds like our friend will be away from our children for a while. Read what <a href="http://nochemrosenberg.blogspot.com/">Rabbi Nuchem Rosenberg has to say </a>about today's hearing, and the upcoming ones next week.</span><br />
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I WROTE THE FOLLOWING THE DAY BEFORE THE HEARING:<br />
It is important to show your support for the victims of Meir Dascalowitz at his hearing tomorrow. The court case has been dragging on and on, and the victims and their families have been threatened and harassed regularly, Rabbi Nuchem Rosenberg reports. <br />
Hillel said, "What is hateful unto you, to your fellow you should not do." Yes, it rhymes, but even more importantly, it applies to everyone in this community. If we are silent, the victims and their families feel unsafe in our community. Those of us who haven't been personally affected by child sexual abuse might find it hard to understand, so I'll just repeat what the experts say: when a child is molested, his entire world is turned upside down. Nothing makes sense, because a person who was supposed to protect him (an adult in his community, usually somebody he knows) has hurt him tremendously. In order for this victim to heal, he needs the world to be turned straight again. You can't expect him to just say to himself, "You know, that was wrong. He's a bad person, because he molested me, and I did not deserve it." He needs proof of this. He needs to see that the molester is being punished for hurting him. He needs to see that society agrees that this was an evil act. <br />
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Our community tends to protect the molesters. Perhaps most of us are uninvolved in any case of molestation, but those who are involved speak for all of us, whether we like it or not. And those people are saying, "Don't go to the police." <a href="http://nuchemrocks.blogspot.com/2011/03/for-those-worried-about-mesira-or.html">"It's an aveirah to report a fellow Jew."</a> "We will make sure the molester gets treated." Sorry, but treatment doesn't stop the person from molesting unless he is kept away from children. In our community, molesters are able to be rehired in different schools, and often even keep their jobs in the same school where they have molested numerous students. Molesters need to be kept away from children, and unfortunately, there is no place other than prison which can do that. Even on the street, and in shuls, they can molest children by gaining their trust and taking them to secluded places, such as the restroom or the Ezras Nashim. <br />
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The way we act towards molesters is very damaging to the victims. The victims finally gather the courage to expose the evil act, about which they are so ashamed, and what do we do? We harass them. We tell them that <em>they </em>are evil for telling the cops. Only some of us actually say these things to the victims (probably because they are paid off by the molester's family) but when we all quietly move on, hoping we don't get seen or heard, the victims see that they have no safety in our community. <br />
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Call me obsessed, but I feel obligated to do <em>something</em> to help the victims.Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-36550098413991022312011-05-02T16:44:00.000-07:002011-05-06T14:44:46.436-07:00New Victims Come Forward: Show Your Support at the Hearing The next couple of weeks are loaded with hearings for our molesters, including a new alleged molester from Crown Heights. Yes, it seems we as a community are getting the message that only the cops can handle the molesters. This week, we have Meir Dascalowitz and "the new guy," <a href="http://failedmessiah.typepad.com/failed_messiahcom/2011/05/chabad-hasid-arrested-for-sexual-abuse-234.html">check out this link for details</a>, and next week we have Jerry/Yechiel Brauner and Nechemya Weberman. <br />
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<a href="http://yasherkoachsupport.blogspot.com/2010/03/hearingtrialevents-calendar.html"> The calendar with the hearings on the Yasher Koach</a> website still works, but for some reason they did not post the date of "the new guy", which is May 4 - this Wednesday. <br />
Keep in mind that every person who shows his support at a hearing has a great zechus. This is the mitzva of helping out the oppressed. It is also the mitzva of rescuing people from their pursuers, and the mitzva of Lo Sa'amod al Dam Rayecha. The victims need the community's support in this, and by giving it you are giving them the strength to protect themselves. <br />
The halacha of Eglah Arufah teaches us as follows: when a man is killed between two cities, and it is not known who killed him, the Elders of each city must meet at a stream, perform the ritual, and declare that "Our hands did not spill this blood." The obvious question is, why should they have to vindicate themselves? It makes it sound as if they are under suspicion.<br />
Answer: (I believe Rashi says) that they must declare that they accompanied the victim out of their city with food and with encouragement. Had they not done so, they would be responsible for this man's murder. When a person is given emotional support, he has the strength to fight off a killer.<br />
We are all responsible for encouraging these brave souls, who are fighting off their "soul murderers," as experts refer to child molesters. They will be intimidated by people in the perpetrator's family and by some misguided community members. Our loud silence is inexcusable. We are responsible for giving these victims the moral support they need in order to have the strength to fight these murderers. <br />
All the more so because they are fighting OUR war, the war to clean up OUR streets, shuls, mikvahs, and yeshivos. Certainly, we must give them the strength to fight on.<br />
Let us strengthen the hands of our front-line soldiers by openly supporting them. Only then will we be able to say, "Our hands did not spill this blood. Instead, our actions prevented the spilling of even more blood."<br />
I suggest you come to these hearings, stay in the background, but say hi to the family and supporters, and specify that you are here to show support.Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-78970540379787222522011-04-30T22:35:00.000-07:002011-04-30T22:35:11.536-07:00ATTENTION CAMPS: Educate your staff members about dealing with sexual abuse in camp. It has happened, and we need to be ready for it. We don't want our children getting hurt. More importantly, we don't want to get sued! [sarcasm]<br />
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<a href="https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B3zu9hDuGtR9Y2Q1MDFlMjItODk4MC00Yzk1LTk4MGItZTJiNzA3YWFmMjhk&hl=en">Click to view the guide which was distributed to representatives of 30 Orthodox summer camps.</a><br />
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Article in The Jewish Star:<br />
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<div class="sub_title"> <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">Camp directors learn about preventing abuse </span></b></div><div class="author"> </div><table align="left" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" id="img_table_story" style="width: 1px;"><tbody>
<tr><td> </td></tr>
</tbody></table>By Michael Orbach<br />
<address>Issue of May 7, 2010/ 23 Iyar, 5770</address>More than a hundred representatives of 30 Orthodox summer camps attended a two-hour meeting in Flatbush last week to discuss ways to deal with sexual abuse in a camp setting. The event organized by Sacred Lives, an organization that advocates for sexual abuse victims and for greater education inside the Jewish community, was closed to the media. Several journalists, including a freelancer for The Jewish Star, were ejected, but the materials used at the meeting were leaked and published online the next day by the news website vosizneias.com. They included a manual, as well as a form letter and information prepared with the approval of the Moetzes Gedolei HaTorah, the ruling body of Agudath Israel of America, that the camp administrators were advised to mail to parents of all prospective campers before the summer...<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.thejewishstar.com/stories/Camp-directors-learn-about-preventingabuse,1713">Read More on The Jewish Star </a></span>Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-68795079131385777882011-04-26T22:21:00.000-07:002011-04-27T08:58:21.309-07:00"Guard Your Eyes" Handbook (For Scrap Paper Use Only) - UPDATED 11:48 amAt the recent Torah Umesorah Convention, sexual addiction was addressed. A handbook was presented to all attendees. This handbook on sexual addiction was produced by the anonymous authors of Guard Your Eyes.<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/GUE.asp">Guard Your Eyes (GYE) is "a website for Jews</a> </span><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/GUE.asp">struggling to maintain their moral purity in today's world." </a> It claims to have helped many people with sexual addictions. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/TU/TU%20Letter%20to%20Schools.pdf">Click HERE to see the letter from Torah Umesora to schools regarding GYE.</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">UPDATE (11:48 AM): According to <a href="http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/PDFs/Newsletter01/Mishpacha.pdf">Yonasan Rosenblum of Mishpacha Magazine, </a>GYE has helped many people with the support groups they offer. I highly recommend support groups when they are moderated by skilled therapists. If you wish to use them, find out who is moderating the group and what his credentials are. However, a support group can be very helpful regardless of the therapist's credentials. The shame surrounding sexual issues can be very much alleviated when it is shared with fellow frum Jews struggling with the same issues. Although it's great that support groups are provided for this greatly under-addressed issue, I am suspicious of GYE. Their Handbook on how to deal with sexual addiction contains some kinky ideas.</span> <br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/TU/Guard%20Your%20Eyes%20Handbook.pdf">Click to view the Guard Your Eyes Handbook (from the Torah Umesorah Convention) in PDF form.</a></span><br />
This stuff is worse than garbage. They tell you to punish yourself, and they are wrong. Before you write me off as being against Da'as Torah, you need to realize that today's <i>poskim </i>hold that <i>sigufim </i>(self-flagellations) are not only uncalled for nowadays, they are <i>assur - </i>prohibited. That is because we are not on the level of being able to grow from <i>sigufim; </i>we can only lower ourselves by punishing ourselves. The reason this site is so successful, is that people think they are right! More Painful = More Frum. But this is against Da'as Torah.<br />
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There is much nonsense on the web, and I can accept that. But this particular nonsense claims to be supported by a man who has my respect: Rabbi Abraham Twerski. That's what gets me mad! <br />
On the homepage of the Guard Your Eyes website, there is a link to articles from Rabbi Twerski, along with his warm recommendation of this website. Follow the link, read Rabbi Twerski's articles on sex addiction, and you'll see why I don't believe that Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski actually read this handbook. Nowhere does Rabbi Twerski tell people to punish themselves. Instead, Twerski advises people to work on their character. Here is what Rabbi Twerski himself says in response to a frum person who "cannot stop masturbating:"<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: small;">[You need to change your character in order to overcome the addiction.] How does one become a different person? By working diligently on improving one’s character traits. Learning how to manage anger, to rid oneself of resentments, to overcome hate, to be humble, to be considerate of others, to be absolutely honest in all one’s affairs, to admit being wrong, to overcome envy, to be diligent and overcome procrastination.... This does not happen quickly.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;">When one has transformed one’s character and has become a different person, one will find that this “new person” can accomplish things that the old person could not.</span></i><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><a href="http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/RTwerski/Can%27tStop.asp">(Click for the entire letter, the question and Twerski's response.)</a></span><br />
By the way, nowhere will you find Rabbi Twerski advocating self-harm in the name of overcoming an addiction.<br />
The Handbook advises making a Shavua (the most severe Torah oath) in the name of Hashem that each time one loses control of his urges, he will punish himself. To elaborate, the Handbook gives some examples of a Shavua:<br />
"Some examples might be: 'Shvuah bisheim Ado-nai [an oath in the name of G-d] – for one week, that if I masturbate, then within the following 24 hours, I will:<br />
<ul><li>tell my Rebbe</li>
<li>tell my wife</li>
<li>take a bus to the kever of a tzadik and stay there for 2 hours before coming home.</li>
<li>fast for 24 hours</li>
<li>give ‘a painful’ amount of money to Tzedaka."</li>
</ul> The problem with this advice is that it does not address the underlying problems of the addiction. In fact, following this advice would only serve to lower your self-esteem. If you hurt yourself, you disrespect yourself, thereby lowering your self-esteem. Hence, you will only strengthen your addiction, which is nothing but an escape from your feelings of low self-esteem!<br />
The Handbook mentions that therapy might be necessary. Why "might"? Therapy is <i>absolutely</i> necessary for a person to overcome an addiction. Why are self-punishments mentioned before therapy? Take a look at the order in which the Handbook lists the various "tools" for fighting sexual addiction:<br />
"....<br />
2.Guarding the eyes [see below - "Make it Hurt"]<br />
3.Making Fences [includes making vows to punish yourself]<br />
....<br />
5.Using the Tools on our website [GuardUrEyes.com]<br />
....<br />
13.Psychotherapy<br />
....<br />
18.The Very Last Resort."<br />
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Why are the self-punishments listed as Tools 2 and 3, while therapy is relegated to number 13, almost as a "Last Resort?!" You will not heal from your addiction by hurting yourself; you need to address the underlying problems. <a href="http://drsorotzkin.com/articles.html#Sexuality">Check out this article by Dr. Sorotzkin, called "Psychological Explanations for Sexual Acting Out." </a>He'll tell you about how he's been treating sexual addictions in the frum community for more than 20 years. He's the most sought-after frum psychologist, so I'd rather listen to him than to a website that won't even identify its own authors.<br />
Here is one of the ideas listed under Tool #2:<br />
"Make it Hurt: We can try to accept upon ourselves (not forever, just for "x" amount of days or weeks, <b><i>at first</i></b>) [emphasis added] that every time we take that second look at something triggering, we will (either):<br />
• give ourselves a pinch that hurts,<br />
• wear a rubber-band [sic] and snap it against our skin,<br />
• give 25 cents to tzedaka,<br />
• give our eyes a 'time out' by closing them for 6 seconds."<br />
Rabbi Twerki supports this? Nowhere does Rabbi Twerski tell addicts to pinch themselves, and I've read many of his books. <br />
[Side note: That last bullet point is ludicrous! By closing your eyes, you will be perpetuating the image that you just saw, making it sink deeper into your brain. You don't need a degree in psychology (although it helps) to know that the sensory imprint of an image you see gets erased when you look at a different image. Closing your eyes <i>prevents</i> the image from getting erased.] <br />
This is garbage. Following this advice will make you more depressed, because you are hurting yourself. The fact that you have a rubber band on your hand will constantly remind you that you are trying not to think about sex, and you'll just think about it more. Whatever you think about gets reinforced. Better you should think happy thoughts, encouraging thoughts. That way, you'll be strengthening your self-esteem. How can it be that Rabbi Twerski, who is the biggest proponent of the idea that low self-esteem is the underlying cause of addiction, would support a website that tells you to destroy your self-esteem? Rabbi Twerski, take a look at what you are supporting.<br />
Besides for doing more harm than good, self-hurting is an aveirah - a sin. Why does a Nazir (person who vows to abstain from wine for a month) need a Kaparah - forgiveness? Because Hashem does not want people to hurt themselves. He considers it a sin!<br />
Guard your eyes when you visit the Guard Your Eyes website. Use their support groups. As Rabbi Twerski is fond of saying in regard to healing from addiction: "Therapy is the icing on the cake. [The support group is the cake.]" But don't heed their advice to fast for 24 hours every time you lose control. Instead, get a good therapist. Ask Dr. Sorotzkin to recommend one - his email address is posted on his <a href="http://drsorotzkin.com/">homepage</a> - <a href="mailto:bensort@aol.com">bensort@aol.com</a>. For good psychological advice, go to a real Jewish website, run by a person who shares her name. A Jewish point of view can be found on <a href="http://www.miriamadahan.com/">Dr. Miriam Adahan's website. </a>Her idea is that building your self respect - by taking care of yourself, being disciplined, and keeping a Growth Notebook with small acts of self-control - will eventually strengthen your spiritual muscles enough to help you fight your personal addictions.<br />
Don't commit spiritual suicide by hurting yourself. Hashem loves you.Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-9546370861930432592011-04-23T22:40:00.000-07:002011-04-23T23:51:37.533-07:00Rabbis Publicly Support Kellner, and Prosecution of LebovitsTwo prominent Rabbis have announced their support of Kellner's pursuit of Baruch Mordechai Lebovits's prosecution on child molestation charges, and have written and signed a letter declaring that.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://failedmessiah.typepad.com/failed_messiahcom/2011/04/two-monsey-rabbis-say-they-gave-rabbi-samuel-kellner-permission-to-turn-in-rabbi-baruch-lebovits-789.html">The letter has been posted on FailedMessiah.com (the letter is in Hebrew).</a><br />
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Here is my translation of it (it's almost a transliteration, actually, so it's quite precise):<br />
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<a name='more'></a><br />
--BEGIN TRANSLATION<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal"><b>Sunday, Week of Kedoshim, 13 Nissan 5770 [April 17, 2011]</b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I hereby announce to the public, regarding the righteous man Rabbi Shlomo Aaron Kellner, that what he did in respect to reporting to the authorities was done only after asking a Halachic question [from a qualified Rabbi], and that he did it in accordance with the views of our holy Torah (as clearly stated in responsa from prominent poskim – Halachic authorities). He has listened to the views of the Torah as is proper and lawful, and<b> it is forbidden to cause him distress or to humiliate him, and certainly to inform about him [to the government]. On the contrary: it is proper to use all avenues to help him and to save him [from prosecution]. </b>(emphasis added)</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And he who transgresses on this will suffer Divine retribution. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The writer and signer for truth and justice:</div><div class="MsoNormal">Chaim Avraham Duber Flohr</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">We, too, join in emphasizing the words of the above great Rabbi, and it is a great mitzvah (Torah commandment) to save the victim from his oppressors!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And on this we come to sign on the above date:</div><div class="MsoNormal">Elimelech Yechezkel Shraga Gold</div><br />
--END TRANSLATION<br />
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(I have posted the above translation as a comment on the page where the letter is posted.)<br />
<br />
This is great news for our community. It means that more Rabbis have the courage to come out publicly in support of the Torah's view regarding child molestation, namely that it must be reported to the authorities. <a href="http://nuchemrocks.blogspot.com/2011/03/for-those-worried-about-mesira-or.html">Other rabbis have already written clear responsa saying as much</a>, but few have given public support for specific cases of prosecuting a molester.<br />
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May Hashem bless these Rabbis. Certainly their reward will be tremendous, as they are upholding the righteous ways of the Torah in spite of the many who will hate them for it.Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-80829099724146254132011-04-22T15:20:00.000-07:002011-04-22T15:20:55.670-07:00<a href="http://nuchemisright.blogspot.com/2011/04/rabbi-lebowitz-rabbi-rosenberg-rabbi.html">A new post on Nuchem Is Right.</a><br />
"<span style="font-family: Calibri;">During these 1st days of Yom Tov, you heard people all over the community saying. <strong>Hey Nuchem – Lebowitz is out</strong> or <strong>Rabbi Rosenberg – You are next,</strong> and some similar brilliant statements.</span> <span style="font-family: Calibri;">Let’s get the record straight for a second..."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> If you're having doubts as to who the real criminal is, after all the joy which seems to surround the possible reversal of "Rabbi" Lebovits's conviction, you need to read this article.</span><br />
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<a href="http://nuchemisright.blogspot.com/2011/04/rabbi-lebowitz-rabbi-rosenberg-rabbi.html">Posted by Nuchem Is Right.</a>Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-25797593810088042152011-04-22T00:06:00.000-07:002011-04-22T00:18:58.384-07:00On Lebovits and Other Criminals: Rabbi Rosenberg's Encouraging Words Lebovits is not in prison now, which is a frightening thought for our community. It might even cause flashbacks for survivors of abuse. It is definitely a slap in the face of every victim of his to see their abuser released from prison.<br />
But Lebovits is not free. He is under house arrest for 120 days and then he is back in prison, since the appeal does not negate his conviction. <a href="http://frumfollies.wordpress.com/2011/04/18/lebovits-to-be-released-on-bail-for-120-days-pending-appeal/">Frum Follies has explained this situation.</a><br />
Still, concerned citizens are worried about this molester being out of prison, and are wondering what this says about our justice system. Many abuse victims are getting confirmation for their worst fear, that "There is no point in going to the police. They just set the abusers free. They don't punish them."<br />
Here are <a href="http://nochemrosenberg.blogspot.com/">Rabbi Nuchem Rosenberg's reassuring words, loosely translated from the Yiddish-language recording that he posted on his website:</a><br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
"There were a number of victims who came forward against Lebovits. Let's call them Victim A, B, and C. The appeal cannot overturn the conviction since the conviction was based on the testimony of Victim A. The bribery allegations which just came to light were only against Victim B, who did not even testify in court. So there is no way this appeal can get Lebovits off the hook. It is a blessing that Victim B was not allowed to testify; for had he testified, the entire conviction would have been tainted by the new bribery allegations against him (Victim B). Now that he did not testify, he cannot taint the conviction, which was based solely on the (untainted) testimony of Victim A.<br />
"Victim C was also never brought to testify since it was only a misdemeanor, and compared to the felony charge by Victim A, the court deemed it a waste of time to process the smaller charge of Victim C. <br />
"The only benefit Lebovits may have from this appeal is that it may lead to a retrial. Although it would just be a repeat trial in many ways, since Victim A would still testify against him and convict him, Lebovits might be hoping that the second trial judge will be more lenient. 32 years is a long time, and is not even meted out to murderers. Perhaps the retrial judge would lessen the punishment.<br />
"This trial has the potential to lead to the exposure of many corrupt individuals in our community who have been operating for the past 40 years without any interference. These allegations of bribery against Kellner might force Kellner to expose many corrupt people who have been taking money and offering hush money to victims and victim advocates.<br />
"In many ways, these developments are a blessing, although they seem to be a blow to the anti-abuse movement (in that they make it appear that an innocent person was convicted of sexual abuse). These developments are a blessing in that they will force more facts to be revealed, and with Hashem's help bring down the corrupt structure of power-mongers in our community, which has been running the community through money and intimidation and through legal manipulations.<br />
"This will cause the exposure of many Rabbanim who have been on the payroll of Va'ad Hatznius for many years."<br />
For more details and specific names of people, listen to Rabbi Rosenberg's Yiddish recording. He said much that I do not have the time to transcribe right now. But the main point is, don't be discouraged by the seeming failure of the justice system. This is a slow fight, but what seems to be our biggest setback may yet be the biggest blow to the molesters and those who harbor them.<br />
In Rabbi Nuchem Rosenberg's words: "A war that is won in a day can go right back to square one the next day. This war is moving slowly, but we are winning. Soon the Va'ad Hatznius itself will be brought to court, as will all those who are on their payroll."<br />
Keep strong, fighters.Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-42759843644844938302011-04-15T13:04:00.000-07:002011-04-24T00:00:16.686-07:00Prevention: How to eliminate the risks of abuse happening<div class="MsoNormal"> There is far from enough talk about fighting abuse. A blog here and there cannot be construed as a movement, which is what our community really needs: a “Movement” to expose molesters and help victims get help. There needs to be more talk about this.</div><div class="MsoNormal">But what about prevention? We need another “Movement” to teach parents how to make their kids less vulnerable to abuse.<br />
(There is an organization dedicated to prevention, called <a href="https://www.facebook.com/#%21/pages/Jewish-Parents-for-Safe-Yeshivos-JPSY/113683835351943%20">Jewish Parents for Safe Yeshivas - click to see their Facebook page. </a>They are currently organizing workshops for parents on how to educate and protect your children.)<br />
<a name='more'></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"> We need to ask ourselves the most difficult question of all: why are our children so vulnerable to being molested? Why do molesters know that they can find prey wherever they turn in our community?</div><div class="MsoNormal"> Maybe it’s because we shelter our children too much, so they don’t even know that there is anything wrong with somebody touching their private spots. If children would understand more about sexuality, they would know that the molester is using them for his gratification, and they would therefore be in a position to protest.</div><div class="MsoNormal"> But the real issue is not excessive sheltering: it is that we teach our children that they do not have to respect their own feelings. When an adult makes a child uncomfortable, how does the child react? That is the key to the way victims react to molesters. The child thinks back to his primary adult relationships: his parents. What do his parents expect when they make him uncomfortable? If they expect him to keep quiet because of the commandment of “kibbud av va’em,” (honoring parents) they are teaching him to take abuse from adults because he should respect them. </div><div class="MsoNormal"> Do you expect your child to hide his feelings of anger when you hurt him? Do you compound your punishment when he reacts angrily to your first punishment? If so, you are teaching your child that he must respect the wishes of his elders no matter what he feels. Unfortunately, some of your child’s elders may try to molest him, and when that happens, your child will think that he has to comply in order to be a “good boy.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"> Aside from letting your child have his feelings without condemning him for them, you also have to keep up a generally open relationship with your child. This way, he will come to you when someone threatens him. “Open relationship” means that your child has to feel free to tell you the most disturbing things possible. If you teach your child to hide disturbing information so as not to hurt you, his parents, then your child is at risk of being repeatedly abused, many times over. How do you react when your child tells you he was “bad?” When he says that he did not do his homework the night before? If you get angry at him, you cannot expect him to feel free to tell you if he is being abused. Molesters tend to make the child think that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">he </i>was the one responsible for the deed, not the abuser.<br />
Moreover, children tend to blame themselves for whatever bad happens to them. You must make your children feel comfortable enough to tell you when they were bad, and that means teaching them consistently that you are a safe person to tell anything and everything. If that means waiving punishment when your child admits to wrongdoing, then that is what you must do. If it means punishing him in a friendly and mild way instead of a harsh way, you must do that. It is your responsibility to build the right relationship with your child so that he can tell you everything. </div><div class="MsoNormal"> Of course, you must also educate your children about their bodies. Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz gives very specific advice on how to go about it in accordance with halacha.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.rabbihorowitz.com/PYes/ArticleDetails.cfm?Book_ID=1427&ThisGroup_ID=238&Type=Article&SID=2">Rabbi Horowitz Speaks on Prevention (audio file)</a> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">By preventing these tragedies from occurring, we will not have to fight them when they occur. Amen.</div><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">P.S. To read more about this view of parenting from an experienced frum therapist, see DrSorotzkin.com. Dr. Benzion Sorotzkin is one of the most highly recommended frum therapists, who is in close contact with Poskim.<br clear="all" style="page-break-before: always;" /> </span> <br />
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</div>Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-17795101038343772002011-04-04T18:51:00.000-07:002011-04-16T23:57:55.870-07:00BREAKING: Michael Sabo's Hearing (No News)Michael Sabo, <a href="http://failedmessiah.typepad.com/failed_messiahcom/2009/07/alleged-molester-released-on-bail-with-full-access-to-children-456.html">alleged molester and poster of child pornography,</a> did not even appear in court today.<br />
<br />
A source who attended the hearing says that Sabo's lawyer, Schwartz, did not appear either. A different lawyer served as a backup for him. As has been the case for the last 10 hearings or so, the lawyer requested more time. Unlike the other times, however, <br />
<a name='more'></a>the judge got annoyed, pointing out that "we can't keep pushing it off." The next hearing was scheduled for April 29th. The judge mentioned that Sabo himself need not attend that hearing either. Judging by today's hearing, Sabo will probably not attend that one either.<br />
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Who can blame Sabo? He still claims to be innocent, and he has no reason to want to display himself in handcuffs. I guess it hasn't really sunk into his mind that he is a real criminal. Don't worry, he'll have plenty of time to let it sink in once he's behind bars. Take a look at his rap sheet!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">(Sorry I can't find the list of charges right now, since it was just taken off the court website. Keep searching <a href="http://iapps.courts.state.ny.us/webcrim_attorney/DefendantSearch">WebCrims, the court website. it will soon be up.</a>)</span><br />
</span><br />
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Hey, I know he's only "allegedly" guilty... but when children get up and accuse a complete stranger, it's hard not to believe them.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">ADDED 2:16 am: More details have just come to light about the hearing. When Sabo's attorney arrived, he spoke to the court officer about bringing in his client. The conversation was quiet, but it seemed he was worried about where his client was. After waiting for about 20 minutes to be called up, he finally got his turn. He told the judge he was "waiving the appearance of his client."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The judge then asked him a question, to which the attorney did not know how to answer (since he is not the regular lawyer on the case - he was only a stand-in.) That was when the judge said that they must have a hearing with the regular lawyer, and suggested April 29. The stand-in attorney asked for more time (probably was prepped to say that by the regular attorney), and the judge emphatically refused, saying that it was time for this to go to trial. </span><br />
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Hopefully, as this "alleged" criminal is brought to justice, more victims will have the motivation to come out and talk about their abuse. I believe that the justice system is slowly becoming more heavy-handed on child molestation, because they are getting hammered by our community to do something about it. After all, the justice system has always reflected the general views of society about what is considered justice. When we tell them unequivocally that we will not tolerate abuse, they will respond by punishing abusers more harshly. That is a historical fact. <br />
<br />
The people who had the courage to come out with their stories of abuse, despite unbelieveable harassment, have had a tremendous impact on how abuse is treated in the courts, and they are responsible for the many more victims who are starting to come forward.<br />
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Rabbi Nochem Rosenberg has done a tremendous amount to expose the ineptness and corruption in the justice system that allows molesters to continue to molest unmolested, if you catch my drift.We hope to see the day when the fear will move from the hearts of the abused and take up permanent lodging in the hearts of abusers and would-be abusers.<br />
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Every case of an abuser that gets locked up strikes fear in would-be molesters hearts. No longer will this community cover up for them. No longer will they be allowed to take advantage of our unprotected children, because we are protecting them (finally). We don't listen to "Rabbis" who tell us that it is mesira to report an abuser; we listen to the Torah, which tells us that mesira does not apply when we are protecting people from harm, and which says "Do not stand [by idly] on your fellow's blood."<br />
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Thank you to all survivors and their families who came forward despite the difficulty. This entire (eerily silent) community owes you their lives and the lives of all their future generations. Without you, Yiddishkeit in America would be kicked back to the Stone Age.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.survivorsforjustice.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=383:registered-nurse-michael-sabo-father-of-four-charged-with-molesting-five-kids&catid=2:news&Itemid=57">Read about Sabo on Survivors for Justice</a></span>Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-38740063951251628842011-03-29T22:33:00.000-07:002011-04-16T23:58:39.019-07:00Topic: Attending Hearings<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="http://yasherkoachsupport.blogspot.com/2010/03/hearingtrialevents-calendar.html">Calendar for Hearings and Trials </a></span><br />
This calendar was posted on Yasher Koach's website - a site dedicated to "Giving chizuk to Jewish Survivors of Sexual Abuse."<br />
<br />
What I especially like about this site is that they provide many ways to help victims, including a mentoring program. I will look into that program soon, maybe even become a mentor (if the supervision is done by people I can trust). I will keep everyone posted on that. But back to the current topic:<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Attending Hearings</span></b><br />
Who attends the hearings? Why do they do so? Should I attend, too?<br />
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I don't know what your answers are to these questions, but if you are a typical guy in our community, I think I know the answers. In order to give you an understanding of how the typical guy in our community thinks about child molestation, I will give you some history about me.<br />
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As a yeshiva bachur in Boro Park, I had never even heard any details about sexual abuse until the past 5 years. I first heard some details when the Kolko story was being discussed. Here is what I heard about THAT story, when it came out: "He's probably innocent." "We have to be dan lekaf zechus." "He has a family." "He has been a rebbi for so long!"<br />
<br />
But eventually, the whispers convinced me that this man is really a molester. While attending a certain summer camp, my baseball team took a trip to play against a different camp in the Catskills (I believe it was Silver Lake). While we were there, a friend pointed out, in a whisper, that "Kolko the child abuser" was riding around on a golf car.<br />
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To my mind at the time, it was evil to suspect this man. After all, it was only the goyishe, anti-Semitic police who were accusing him of molestation. Moreover, here was Kolko, riding around in camp with boys accompanying him on his golf car! With a huge warm smile on his face, too. He would not be allowed here in camp if he was guilty. Ergo, he is innocent, and all those who whisper about him are guilty of believing and spreading loshon hora, evil speech. I was definitely <i>not</i> going to join the ranks of these careless gossipers.<br />
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How wrong I was... I was so naive, thinking that no camp would allow a known child molester to roam freely. What was I thinking? I actually believed that camp administrations felt any moral obligation to protect their campers. Boy, was I wrong.<br />
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What had I heard about Nuchem Rosenberg? Until recently, all I had heard about him was that he is a crazy man with a crazy hotline, and he is probably a child molester. I had no interest in going to hear what a child molester has to say.<br />
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Again, how wrong I was... <br />
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What had I heard about: Blogs? Websites? I had heard about all of these loshon hora blogs which are obsessed with ruining the lives of people in our community, even going as far as posting pictures of them while accusing them of the basest crimes. Again, loshon hora! What do I need this for? Why would I even go to these sites?<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">How wrong I was...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Three weeks ago, all of this changed. <a href="http://rabbihorowitz.com/">RabbiHorowitz.com, one of the few sites that I considered permissible and free of Loshon Hora,</a></span> <span style="font-size: small;">had recently begun discussing child abuse! Of course, no molesters' names were mentioned (because of Loshon Hora, I assumed), but Rabbi Horowitz discussed how to prevent your child from becoming a victim. "Education, education, education."</span> </span><br />
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I had always admired Rabbi Horowitz for the work he does with teens at risk; in fact, I have been volunteering for his teen mentoring program for over a year.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.rabbihorowitz.com/PYes/MentorForm.cfm"><span style="font-size: large;">Become a mentor on Rabbi Horowitz's website (affiliated with Project YES).</span></a><br />
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So when Rabbi Horowitz said that THE VAST MAJORITY OF OFF-THE-DERECH TEENS WERE MOLESTED AS CHILDREN, I listened. I thought hard about what I was doing with my life: Here I was, volunteering to help make a dent in the at-risk crisis by being a teen mentor, yet I had not even realized the ROOT OF THE PROBLEM! <i>It was not</i>, as I had always thought, that boys were simply not exposed to the beauty of Yiddishkeit. <i>It was not</i> even family problems! Many people I know have family problems, even seriously traumatizing ones, but they still don't consider going off the derech. So why do some other boys decide that their problems are big enough for them to go off the derech?<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The answer is: They. Were. Molested.</span><br />
Molestation destroys your trust in everything. And when it's done by a so-called Rabbi, you learn that nothing is sacred. And when the community covers up for this person, when nobody tries to bring this person to justice, you learn that nobody has a conscience, and that nobody is trustworthy. Of course you need to disassociate yourself from this community!<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">I suddenly became obsessed with the issue of child molestation, and began to learn incredible things: Known molesters were being allowed to teach in yeshivas for decades! </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Victims and their supporters were being threatened! </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">The police were in cahoots with the molesters and their rich cronies! </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Rabbi Nuchem Rosenberg is actually one of the most courageous, selfless people in the history of the world, and people have tried to murder him! </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Rabbi Benzion Twerski had to resign from helping abuse victims because of the threats to his family!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">I was afraid to do anything, though, until Rabbi Horowitz posted that he would be attending the hearings of Dascalowitz and Weberman on March 25th. I made sure to be there. If it was good enough for Rabbi Horowitz, it was good enough for me. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">I was still worried about mesira, but I soon obtained, from Dr. Asher Lipner, a PDF with responsa from many Rabbanim explaining how mesira is not an issue when it comes to child molestation.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://nuchemrocks.blogspot.com/2011/03/for-those-worried-about-mesira-or.html">Check out my post with the PDF. Click the link there - it's posted on Google Docs. </a></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">To make a long story short, I was at the hearing of Weberman that Friday, March 25. The size of the crowd there was inspiring. Looking around, I knew that we were not afraid of harassment! We were leading the revolution to bring molesters to justice! </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">I hope to write soon about why it is so important for people to attend hearings. Until then, you can check out all of the other places where this is discussed.</span></span><br />
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<a href="http://frumfollies.wordpress.com/"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Frumfollies.wordpress.com</span></span></a><br />
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<a href="http://rabbihorowitz.com/"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">RabbiHorowitz.com</span></span></a><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Etc. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Let's speak up now, when it's the other guy's kids, so that it never comes to the point where we CAN'T <i>NOT</i> speak up, because our own children were abused by this pedophile whom we allowed, by our silence, to have access to our own children.</span> </span>Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-69523918932353216672011-03-27T00:14:00.000-07:002011-04-24T15:29:17.813-07:00For Those Worried about Mesira or Loshon Hora<a href="https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B3zu9hDuGtR9MzNlMGNhYWItNDM3My00ZDgxLTkzNGItYWVhZTM4NDhiMTgz&hl=en"><span style="font-size: large;">Here is a PDF with Teshuvos (responsa) from various poskim, including Rav Elyashiv, on halachically "mandated reporting".</span></a><br />
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Your concerns about Loshon Hora and Mesira are justified; that is why Rav Elyashiv is here to tell you that you have nothing to fear about reporting child molesters.<br />
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In short, you may report them to the authorities.<br />
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Does he say that you must? I did not read the entire thing; find out for yourself.<br />
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But don't hide behind "It's an aveirah!" It's more of an aveirah to allow children to be spiritually and emotionally murdered. OK?<br />
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NEW(added April 5, 2011): Here are some more PDFs.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B3zu9hDuGtR9NGJmZjFiNjYtNDhkMC00MzRkLTg5MTYtNTc1NTgyOWNlNGEx&hl=en">Yeshurun 15 Shaarei Halacha Pamphlet</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B3zu9hDuGtR9NDEyZDQ4ZmMtZjc4Zi00ZWVmLWFmYjYtNzRhNzIzYjk2Mzhm&hl=en">Yeshurun on Reporting Abuse</a> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B3zu9hDuGtR9N2Y1MzE0NjEtNzY0NS00NzIyLWJhZGEtZmZkN2FjNzE2Yzhi&hl=en">Rav Elyashiv's Tshuva (responsum)</a> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B3zu9hDuGtR9NzAxMTQ5ODgtYmFhOC00ODUxLWE1ZDMtNDdiMTQzYzU5MjVl&hl=en">Translation of Rav Elyashiv's Tshuva </a> </span><br />
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P.S. The PDFs were kindly provided by Dr. Asher Lipner, a frum psychologist at the vanguard of the war on abuse in our community.Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-56967428373093175822011-03-26T23:01:00.000-07:002011-04-16T23:59:11.799-07:00I Despise SilenceFACT #1: Courts cannot prosecute child molesters unless the abused child testifies.<br />
FACT #2: (Most) Children of abuse are afraid to testify.<br />
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That victims of abuse are afraid to come forward is not a phenomenon unique to our community. Abusers of every stripe and color are known to intimidate their victims into silence, using death threats and serious violence to show that they are serious.<br />
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However, it is my community that I worry about; is this where I want my kids growing up? Do I want my kids to be endangered by pedophiles who are free to roam the streets because their victims are afraid to come out and point the damning finger? <br />
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We cannot allow an atmosphere to prevail in our community where abused people are made to feel like damaged goods.<br />
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I can understand that you don't want to marry people who were abused; who knows what issues they may be carrying with them?<br />
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But we cannot afford to act towards these people with discomfort. We must embrace them, and that means talking to them and encouraging them to come forward. We must go with them to court to show our support for them. We must express to them our respect for their strength in coming out into the open. We cannot afford to stay silent!<br />
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I can understand that you people who were abused would not want to come forward. And you parents of victims are afraid for the shidduch prospects of your other children. I cannot judge you people, although you are doing their children a grave injustice by forcing them to suffer in silence.<br />
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But you cannot afford to allow your child's abuser to stay in the community! Even if you are able to prevent further abuse, your child's sense of safety and justice will be completely shattered if you allow the abuse to go unpunished! <br />
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To all victims of abuse who came forward: <i>You</i> are no longer victims. You are now fighters: for your own sanity, for the safety of all the children in our community, and for the sanity of all the people in our community. Nobody can be completely sane living in a community where known child rapists roam freely. At the very least, it corrupts us when we allow these people freedom. At the very worst, it destroys our community when the ranks of the abused swell daily. Make no mistake: each abuser has many victims. I don't want to say a number, but take a look at Dascalowitz's and Weberman's rap sheets. The accusations are only made by 3 to 5 alleged victims. Can you imagine the courage it took for these victims to come forward? And can you imagine how many more victims are too afraid to come forward?<br />
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I hope that the courage shown by these <i>fighters</i> (not victims) will spread to the other victims, and they will also have the courage to become fighters. I hope the silence that lies heavily on our abused children and their families will be shattered by the brave efforts of these fighters. Make no mistake: they are not just fighting their abusers; they are fighting a sickness of our society.<br />
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I despise the silence that kills.Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729199353178405588.post-45985567122846856912011-03-25T09:33:00.000-07:002011-03-25T09:33:57.505-07:00Why I Love NuchemThis morning, March 25th, I attended the court appearance of child rapist Nechemya Weberman. So far, five victims have come forward with accusations against him. I also came to attend the appearance of Meir Dascalowitz (another child rapist, who - justifiably - wants to claim insanity), but i missed that one because by the time Weberman was done, Dascalowitz had already left.<br />
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It was very exciting to be there, because we were making history by coming out in the open with support for the victims of abuse. It was even more exciting because of the packed courtroom! The court officer at the entrance was constantly overheard saying, "You can't come in. You have to wait until somebody leaves, because there are no more seats." That was so inspiring, I wanted to dance and hug everybody in the courtroom, even the people who were there for other cases.<br />
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It was also exciting because of all the historical figures who attended; courageous men who speak out against abuse, continuously chipping away at the Wall of Silence surrounding abuse in our community:<br />
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Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz (see link below - he also attended the Dascalowitz hearing, somehow!)<br />
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Dr. Asher Lipner<br />
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Etc...<br />
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and of course...<br />
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Reb Nuchem Rosenberg!<br />
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I felt honored to be in their presence. I was also honored to be in the presence of Yoily Deitch/Joseph Diangello (I really don't believe that's how he spells it, but Rabbi Horowitz spelled it that way). Joseph/Yoily is a man who came forward with his own story of how he was abused by Nechemya Weberman, and because of him (and the others who came forward) Weberman will be put behind bars for many years, be'ezras Hashem. His days of terrorizing our children are coming to an ignominious end.<br />
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The judge offered him 5 years today in the courtroom. But he refused the offer. I guess Weberman's lawyer cannot admit defeat because the Va'ad Hatznius will assassinate him if he does. But it's quite obvious that he is already defeated, and he would have been smarter to take the five years and be done with it. Since the judge offered five years as a deal, this means that the charges against Weberman are sufficient to put him away for 20 or 30 years, if convicted. <br />
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I plan to attend his next appearance, as well, which was scheduled for May 11. I hope to see all of you there, too! <a href="http://frumfollies.wordpress.com/2011/03/25/breaking-press-release-from-dascalowitz-courtroom-3-25-11-905am/">.</a>Just don't come too early; I want to get a seat! :) <br />
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<a href="http://frumfollies.wordpress.com/2011/03/25/breaking-press-release-from-dascalowitz-courtroom-3-25-11-905am/">Here is Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz's press release about today's court appearances</a>.<br />
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Oh, so why do I love Nuchem? Without Reb Nuchem, this would never have happened! Now, it's the abusers who are running!<br />
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As Yoily Deitch said: "You can run, but you can't hide..."Yoily Weisshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14207540543007897352noreply@blogger.com0