Dealing with the Trauma

If you or your child has been abused, there are millions of things going through your head. Go to the police, or not? Does my child need therapy? Who's a good therapist? Can I ever trust another person with my child, even a therapist? I haven't been through the experience, but I'm observant enough to realize this.

I'm only going to mention something important to keep in mind. A child (or even an adult) who was abused is likely in trauma, and in order to heal, he/she needs to have someone validate his experience. If you are the parent, I cannot imagine the stresses you are under, but I implore you not to ignore your child's emotional experience. On the contrary; now is the time when your child needs your listening ear the most.

It's very hard to be a good listener to your child when you were traumatized yourself! Your need to minimize the pain is understandable: you're hurting as much as your child is, and you are desperate for some relief. You have the additional pain of knowing that you did not protect your child adequately, and you may be beating yourself up for that. While dealing with all that, you're supposed to calmly listen to your child's feelings about it?

Try. Your child's healing depends on you, the parent. Whether or not you can help your child feel understood, you should seek out an experienced therapist, who knows how to deal with these problems with a level-headed approach.

If you were abused yourself, you need to get someone who can let you express your pain without trying to minimize it. I know how hard it is to find such friends; a therapist may be necessary. Your friends may love you, but precisely because of that, they are unable to see that they are hurting you by denying your pain.

I hope you find healing, and soon. Trust that it will take time, and trust that it will eventually happen. You will be stronger, and be a comfort to others who go through the same horror.

Workshop on Protecting Children from Abuse

Rabbi Horowitz will be giving a workshop (not his first) about educating your children about abuse in a Torah way.

Here is a link to his article about this workshop.

Here is Vosizneias talking about it.

You'll see me there!

Agudath Israel's Self-serving Distortions of Halacha

Rabbi Daniel Eidensohn has addressed some serious problems with the recent Agudah Halacha Conference.
"I listened in dismay to R' Shlomo Gottesman's presentation of halachic issues of child abuse. He picked a very narrow perspective in answering the question of whether halacha allows going to the police to report abuse....

Gay Marriage: A Senator Responds

Please write letters of support to this senator, and ask your senator to oppose the legislation legalizing same-gender marriage.

Following is a letter from Senator Martin J. Golden, written in response to an emotional letter from a frum Brooklyn man decrying the upcoming vote on legalizing same-gender marriage in New York.

Weberman's Latest Court Appearance

Weberman had to face a group of supporters of his victims when he walked into the courtroom this Wednesday. Perhaps he will get the message that the victims will not be intimidated, because they are strong and because they have the support of many people in the community, some of whom are not afraid to show their faces in support of the victims. Emanuel Yegutkin also had his appearance that day.

This court appearance was covered by a number of blogs, including Frum Follies (who provides a number of links to info about the molesters) and CALANY (who provides an in-depth analysis of the court proceedings).

Call Your Senator: Same-Gender Marriage Bill

In the next couple of weeks, the New York State Senate will vote on a bill legalizing gay marriage. I don't need to point out what's wrong with that, since my target audience is frum people. But I would like to ask everyone: Do you want your kids seeing people acting on their illness (click to read a frum psychologist's perspective on this)? Right now, we can see lots of love going on in the streets, but we can rationalize that away. Big deal, so our kids will know about male-female relationships. But do you want your kids seeing gay couples honeymooning on 13th avenue?

Meir Dascalowitz Friday Hearing (May 6) UPDATED AFTER HEARING - 5:20 P.M.

UPDATE 5:20 P.M.:
          Today's "Molester of the Day" hearing was covered by a number of websites, perhaps most notably Failed Messiah. According to people who attended, Meir Dascalowitz's hearing was the first one on the calendar (presumably due to the large number of attendees for that particular hearing - there were numerous supporters there) and it was over in two minutes.
          Court-appointed psychiatrists want to declare the defendant "unfit to stand trial." For an explanation, see CALANY's blog (Coalition Against Legal Abuse). Here is an excerpt from their article: